Romance and Relativity

One of the interesting side effects of making this movie is the exploration of the theme, “what constitutes romance”.  The movie looks at how men and women view it differently  It’s been difficult for me, because as I have previously stated, nothing I do or have ever done is ever viewed by any woman as romantic.

I’m fortunate to have my co-writer.  She has been invaluable in helping me to figure this out.  She has pointed out the fact that to women, romance doesn’t have to involve some big movie-type gesture.  It can be small day to day things that show that a man pays attention and cares.  Something still seemed off to me.  Today, I believe I had a revelation.

For a long time, I’ve been aware of a basic, indisputable fact of life.  People are superficial.  All of us, men and women, and I certainly include myself in that.  What do we want in a mate?  The most important elements are thus: women want looks and money, men want looks and more looks.  People dispute this all the time.  They bring up things like sense of humor, being a gentleman, all kinds of nonsense.  None of it is valid.  Superficiality rules.

I was thinking about how many times I’ve seen a woman consider an act performed by one man to be romantic, but if another man performs the same act, at best she considers it “sweet”.  It finally occurred to me.  Einstein had it right.  It’s all relative.  If a man is physically attractive, pretty much everything he does will be considered romantic.  I know that’s true because it works with other personality traits.  Many times I’ve seen a really good looking guy telling a woman the stupidest, most hack jokes and she laughs hysterically.

It’s the same with romance.  For those of us who are not good looking, there is nothing we can do.  It’s all pointless.  We will never be considered romantic.  All those little helpful gestures that show we pay attention and that we care are merely “sweet” if they are even acknowledged at all.  I know how cynical this is.  I realize it’s depressing and for guys like me, not conducive to a happy life.  Nevertheless, it’s the truth.  I would rather face the truth and be miserable than be a grinning idiot who lies to himself.

It reminds me of what I’ve always said about myself.  You know how there are some guys who think they are God’s gift to women?  Well, I’m his party favor: funny and cute and you look at it and say, “Oh, that’s nice!”  Then you take it home and throw it away.



4 thoughts on “Romance and Relativity

  1. Hi Paul,
    The way you write about yourself is what first caught my attention about you and made me want to check out your Blog. Women might go for superficiality in general, and definitely that in person, but online it’s the honesty and humility (but not martyr-like humility) that stands out. It is refreshing to find someone who is truthful and not a grinning idiot. There are far too many grinning idiots around already.

  2. Hi Rach,

    Thank you for compliment. I’ve always tried to be honest about myself and my attributes, both good and bad. It’s instinctive for me to tap into my personal thoughts and feelings when writing. I did it when I was a comedian and I do it in my screenplays. Many of my friends feel I am too hard on myself and maybe I am. I’m going through a very difficult emotional situation right now that’s tied into making this movie. I’m a mess inside. 🙂 I’ll be okay in the end. I always am.


  3. I’m so glad you *do* tap into your personal thoughts and feelings when you’re writing! It would be hollow and fake if you didn’t. It would be easy to spot for anyone emotionally intuitive.
    Comedian?? Omg I am *the* best laugher in the world when someone’s funny. I *love* to laugh!
    I’m so sorry you’re feeling like a mess inside right now (it’s always the mentally tortured people who can be the funniest). . That sounds awful. 😦 (((hugs)))

  4. I agree that writing has more depth when there it is genuine and honest. And you are right, neurotics make the best comics. People have always seemed to enjoy the way I deal with my problems in a humorous way, and it helps me greatly to turn pain into laughs. The upside of the mess that I currently am inside is that, no matter how it ends, good or bad, I will get a script out of it someday. 🙂

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